It’s You…. drifting , not the Child from traditions.

Written by G.Lakshmi Ramesh, Founder, Shiirdi.in

The way of living may slightly vary between villages ,towns,cities in India but the behavioural pattern , not so, its almost similar , personally I feel this is not good. The simple courtesies are missing along with upkeep of our house. Let me explain this in brief later but not waste energy simply on this but touch on others, which are important for the future of the family.

Background

There’s a quiet irony playing out in many modern Indian households including our villages. Parents worry that their children are growing up without the basics, that once defined family life — very simple example, smiling without any inhibitions. Various factors contribute to this , stress, compartmentalisation of family ( which is so nucleus), importance to economic factor,i.e., possession of money, facilities, etc Right from village to urban poor, few decades back, to be more frank, poverty was not a curse then, to most of the families where ever they lived. Disparity , particular economic disparity was having less importance and value; families ran with the available resources , not to trivialise, happy even by having porridge or by drinking glass of water. Satisfaction level was HIGH then .. Just a few decades back. The children accepted it ,happily along with their parents and elders.

Now, to be frank, don’ mistake me as I am not economist, due to economic disparities which is more visible and bluntly displayed by the HAVES, the child over six years and less, to a certain extent, understands this and feels for it. Simple example, possession of high end mobile on one side and on the other side, the majority, with simple budget mobile. Satisfaction no longer remain high among the lower strata of families as they started thinking that they are also human beings born in this world as others who HAVE EVERYTHING under their disposal.

With this background, don’t you think that where is the time for all these courtesies in and outside family life.

But look closer, and you’ll often find the opposite is also true: it’s the parents who’ve drifted, caught up in the pace of modern life, and it’s the child — small, untaught, unburdened by busyness — who still has the purest instinct to notice when something feels missing.

Who is Drifting

Now, decide who is drifting ? – Parents, elders or the young child under age of six , forget about your child above six….then who?

Under the circumstances, to be honest as far as me is concerned, its parents who is drifting not your child under age of six. I like to emphasise here — how such a child might end up reminding an entire household of how it used to be.

What’s Quietly Disappearing

Walk into many urban Indian homes particularly, even towns and to a certain extent villages, you’ll notice small absences that would have been unthinkable a generation ago. Instances are many for various reasons but the simple fact no parents can deny is upkeep of kitchen and utensils we utilise daily.

Utensils used remain unclean overnight – Parents don’t find time to keep it clean especially during night, dump the vessels in the sink as it is, the major contributor for generation of cockroach and small insects. Unhealthy.
Non Punctuality in eating — Parents find various reasons for this but the result is, not eating in time has less important when compared to poor eating by parents – a self destruction recipe for stress, etc.
Missing of simple daily check-in with parents — It’s reserved nowadays for festivals,if far away from home or if at home, quite stressful and busy for the day,, which runs to other days, sometimes even to weekends. It’s real, not dramatic.. my parents of child aged under six.

The above are just sample reality check,, there are many which will not fit into this blog, my dear parents. That’s exactly why they vanish so easily — they require no effort to skip, and nobody notices the gap until it’s been empty for years.

The Surprising Mechanism: A Child under six …. Just Notices.

Here’s what actually happens in families where this shift occurs naturally: the child isn’t taught to be a watchdog for tradition. They are taught a small ritual as something fun, something his or hers — and because feel proud of it, do it everywhere, with everyone. When an adult doesn’t reciprocate, she doesn’t scold. She just asks, with total innocence — “Papa, why didn’t you do namaste to my grandDad?”

How to Seed This, Practically

Let the gestures shown, grow up as a habit and skill they are proud of, not as a duty

The child naturally cleans her tumbler first with the hand towel given, dry it for a while , place the tumbler where it should be, by looking either at her mother or the servant , if available. It’s a small trick she’s mastered but the impact on the behaviour and way of our life within the family, keeping things neat and clean and in place. Most basic but long lasting in all spheres of life ,later.

The same practice by the child spills out even when they visit others , which will cascading effect on other children but also the family at large. A universal effect, but simple manners and gestures, you will feel proud of , makes you to start think and act, recollecting your good old days as a child.

Continuity and follow up action

Children at this age remap behaviour from the stories they hear. A bedtime tale where a character does pranam to her grandmother tends to get re-enacted the very next morning — no instruction required. What to drink and eat before and after ….they learn quickly, follow it ritually to their best of knowledge and ability. They don’t the immediate and long term benefits but we know as parents but don’t follow it ritually due to family pressures, financial stress, emotional stress, etc.. various reasons.

Respect to living elders and non – living elders

You remember your non –living elders when their TITHI comes, rest of the days of a year , just imagine, to be frank, virtually forgotten. But your child when they see the ritual , what for and why , it enters deep into their thoughts and behaviour, how non –living elders bless their descedants, give total protection, like a GOD.They start praying to them closing their eyes , tell them their grievances , wishes and safe guard their entire family and also their close friends, if any. Such is a big heart and open mindedness in them, forefathers immediately try to fulfil their wish.

There’s an important difference between a child praying without any formal poojas or rituals and the one organised by you as a parent annually..organically or otherwise due to compulsion.

A Small Hope, Parents Retreat to honest traditions

Most family traditions weren’t lost in one generation through any single decision. They eroded quietly, over decades. The reverse can happen the same way — quietly, one habit at a time — not because a child is practising to enforce the old ways, but because they are given something small and joyful to carry, and the family around remembered, through them, what it had quietly let go of.

Years from now, it might become one of those stories families tell at gatherings: “Remember when they made all of us start cleaning tumbler , plates on their own again?”